Woof!

My dear reader,

21.26pm. My first blog posting.

Save for the occasional whimper from the irksome spaniel down by the corridor, all is quiet here on B-wing. Finally, finally I have a moment to think.

Today was our monthly "pet therepy" visit to the hospital. Myself and a collie are routinely molested by geriatrics in the most humiliating way. What a miserable affair. However, there is a common room there that smells of bleach and vegetables where I am able to gaze at the television and at least hope to distract myself.

Nevertheless, I was troubled by a commercial I saw there today. It was for Poligrip gel, which now boasts something called "ooze control." Poligrip has "minimum ooze" according to its manufacturers. What a ghastly image, don't you think? As though the thought of wearing dentures weren't unappealing enough.

And there I sat dear reader, frozen in fear; petrified that the unsavoury old woman whose lap I had been forced to sit on wasn't just at risk of leaking or spilling, but that she may also begin oozing at any moment.

Woof! Quite simply horrid.